Even though I'm a guy, I still think I can give some advice to the ladies, trying to have an everlasting relationship with their beloved one. I understand that we (guys) are sometimes strange, demanding and unpredictable, so I think all of you, both girls and women, will find this stuff useful. Let's start with rule number one:
1. Forget early, forget often!
I really can't stress how important is this. Let me describe it in details - act like the person you date with is a chewing gum at the bottom of your pocket, that you even forgot you have. Tell him you are in a cafe with a friend of yours, make him walk across the whole town just to join you, and meanwhile you and your friend go to another cafe, situated just two steps from his place. And forget to call him. Guys absolutely LOVE that kind of behaviour. Yeah, when he reaches the god-forsaken meeting point, he'll shout at you with his red face and clenched fists, sure, but that's just a part of the game. We are natural-born predators, you are the victims, and every hunter gets thrilled by the hunt. No one likes easy prey. Promise you'll call him "after 5 minutes" and, after a week, when you accidentally meet on the street, tell him you just forgot. And watch how his eyes glow with delight. To summarize: acting like you don't give a shit about him is the key to his eternal faithfulness.
2. Never have time!
Dinner invitation? Disco evening? Bar night? Just a walk in the park? Even if you want to go, you shouldn't. Ever wondered why all of your past relationships were such a bloody disaster? That's right - because you actually spend time with your boyfriend. Avoid him as much as possible. And let me explain why this is called "The golden rule of everlasting relationships". The more you see each other, the more you talk about yourselves, the more bored you get with each other. Sure, you're glad that you found the person you can talk with for hours and hours, but will those moments continue until the end of your life? So, as all of you clearly see, once per month is the most perfect date schedule you'll ever get. And act like in a hurry - that will make him crave even more desperately for your next date, just a month away. Oh, I almost forgot - when you decline his invitations, you have to come up with the most shitty, absurd and unbelievable excuse your brain is capable of devising. Otherwise, he'll probably believe that you really have something important to do. And if you fail to convince him that your reason is real, he'll know how much you care about your relationship and will probably start to save for a wedding band.
3. Tenderness?! Screw that crap!
The rare cases when you join together are also important. There are a few basic rules to apply here, just to be sure everything is going OK. First, never hug, kiss or show any kind of attraction to him. Let me check if you understood right.
Ever considered to tell him "I love you!"? Even if you did, bury that thought deep in your mind, then build a gas station over it. "I don't love you and I never will", "I don't give a crap about you" or "I care more about the dental hygiene of my cousin's dog" are much better. If you ever remotely make him consider that you are slightly attracted to him psychically or emotionally, it's all over. He'll think you are already a conquered stronghold, a befriended wild animal, a dead prey and will lose any interest he might have had in you. But if you make him believe he has a long way to go, until you feel satisfied with his presence, he'll be crawling all over you, baby.
These are the outlines. Follow closely those rules, and the guy you date with will never, at any price, think about another woman. You have my word for it.
1. Forget early, forget often!
I really can't stress how important is this. Let me describe it in details - act like the person you date with is a chewing gum at the bottom of your pocket, that you even forgot you have. Tell him you are in a cafe with a friend of yours, make him walk across the whole town just to join you, and meanwhile you and your friend go to another cafe, situated just two steps from his place. And forget to call him. Guys absolutely LOVE that kind of behaviour. Yeah, when he reaches the god-forsaken meeting point, he'll shout at you with his red face and clenched fists, sure, but that's just a part of the game. We are natural-born predators, you are the victims, and every hunter gets thrilled by the hunt. No one likes easy prey. Promise you'll call him "after 5 minutes" and, after a week, when you accidentally meet on the street, tell him you just forgot. And watch how his eyes glow with delight. To summarize: acting like you don't give a shit about him is the key to his eternal faithfulness.
2. Never have time!
Dinner invitation? Disco evening? Bar night? Just a walk in the park? Even if you want to go, you shouldn't. Ever wondered why all of your past relationships were such a bloody disaster? That's right - because you actually spend time with your boyfriend. Avoid him as much as possible. And let me explain why this is called "The golden rule of everlasting relationships". The more you see each other, the more you talk about yourselves, the more bored you get with each other. Sure, you're glad that you found the person you can talk with for hours and hours, but will those moments continue until the end of your life? So, as all of you clearly see, once per month is the most perfect date schedule you'll ever get. And act like in a hurry - that will make him crave even more desperately for your next date, just a month away. Oh, I almost forgot - when you decline his invitations, you have to come up with the most shitty, absurd and unbelievable excuse your brain is capable of devising. Otherwise, he'll probably believe that you really have something important to do. And if you fail to convince him that your reason is real, he'll know how much you care about your relationship and will probably start to save for a wedding band.
3. Tenderness?! Screw that crap!
The rare cases when you join together are also important. There are a few basic rules to apply here, just to be sure everything is going OK. First, never hug, kiss or show any kind of attraction to him. Let me check if you understood right.
Question: What would your reaction be, if he throws you on the floor, kicks you a couple of times in the kidneys, throws some furniture over your body, grabs your head, twists your neck, so that your eyes are looking at him (reminder: avoid eye contact if possible), thrusts a pair of scissors into your mount, simultaneously cutting your tongue and tonsils, opens your lips at the cost of 3-4 teeth (don't worry, dentists do miracles nowadays), and then kisses you?4. Love is for suckers!
Answer: Call 911? No. Get a restraining order? Wrong. Act like the kiss was the most unpleasant thing to have happened to you this evening.
Ever considered to tell him "I love you!"? Even if you did, bury that thought deep in your mind, then build a gas station over it. "I don't love you and I never will", "I don't give a crap about you" or "I care more about the dental hygiene of my cousin's dog" are much better. If you ever remotely make him consider that you are slightly attracted to him psychically or emotionally, it's all over. He'll think you are already a conquered stronghold, a befriended wild animal, a dead prey and will lose any interest he might have had in you. But if you make him believe he has a long way to go, until you feel satisfied with his presence, he'll be crawling all over you, baby.
These are the outlines. Follow closely those rules, and the guy you date with will never, at any price, think about another woman. You have my word for it.
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