Also known as "20 observations about the goddamn bus I'm in".1: OK, I'll get a coffee and wait at the bus stop. Wait for the bus at the bus stop. Waiting now.
2: Is the bus some abstract idea? Some mythological creature? Like, for example, the minotaur? I've never seen minotaur for real. I've never seen the bus coming on time, too. Does that qualifies it to be in some kind of mythology? Maybe decades later, our grand-grand-grand-grand-children will study not of Hercules and Achilles, but of the phantom bus? Interesting and yet vaguely frightening thought. Anyway, still waiting.
3: Ah, here it comes. No big deal. It's only been, like, an hour.
4: Now I'm inside. Or, at least, most of me is on the inside. I can't quite locate my left leg, as opposed to my right one, which is burning with the greatest pain known to man, due to some guy with the size of a pregnant elephant and his combat boot on my foot.
5: No, you can't get inside! There's too many people. And that applies both to you and the seven hundred people beside you. Even though I see all of you have the intention of riding this particular bus, I think it would be physically impossible. Oh, nevermind, you already are in. Both you and the previously mentioned seven hundred pale representations of human beings. Don't worry about my ribs. I'm sure they'll grow back together at some point of my life.
6: Old gypsy man, I will kill you with an axe if you don't move a mile away from me, or at least remember to take a bath in the prior three months before riding my bus. I will slice a limb per day until my demands are met. You don't believe me?
Me and my special gypsy-killing bus-oriented axe.
7: And you want money? You want me to pay money? For the ride here? Indeed, the Lord works in mysterious ways...
8: You pervert, stop starring at the hot girl over there! Or, at least, try to do it in a stealthy, sneaky manner, like me. See how I'll look at her boobs, completely unnoticed by everyone. There. THAT'S how it's done, you creepy mouth-breather!
9: Trying not to fall down and at the same time looking like a normal human being is indeed harder than it sounds. Screw looking dignified, if I fall that will be the end of me.
10: Oh, you stupid cow, stop shouting at the driver to slow down - we don't have an eternity. And by the way, neither do you, judging by your age. Do people live that long?
11: Great, there's a bum asleep right next to me, drooling some of his alcohol-infested hobo saliva over my shoulder. To be honest, last night I fell asleep with the dream of this happening to me.
12: Interesting. I always thought beards were male-only. Apparently I was wrong all along.
13: I think I found another reason why there is no God.
14: And evolution... thousands and thousands years of evolution. For what? Public transportation? I think we'll be better off as monkeys. Monkeys are cute.
15: But deers are even cuter. If only for the fact that they never evolved to be something like the lady with the "Don't touch" t-shirt. Hell, I'm not touching even if my life depends on it.
16: I think we've been abducted by aliens. There is no way the aforementioned abomination with the "Don't touch" t-shirt is of human origin. Or are we in "Saw IX"? "X-men V: The revenge of the visually-challenged"? Work with me, goddamn it!
17: About ten more minutes to go. Oh, God, if you exist, give me the strength to survive!
18: My left ear is twitching. I don't know if it's permanent.
19: Thank you, Lord! I just got off the bus. And I'm partially alive.
20: But apparently, I missed my stop. Great, twenty minutes of walking. And there's no irony here. I mean "great" as in "ultimately and utterly satisfying and superb". Already 3 hours late for work, though...
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